I'm Turning 33: Here's What I Know

A living amends, a car-turned-office, and the best years of my life (so far)

Firstly, HI (!!) to everyone who’s subscribed in the past week since my ★Culture Vulture★ piece with Shit You Should Care About came out. It’s truly so, so good to have you here, and I’ve been really encouraged and honoured by the messages you’ve sent — thank you 🖤

This week I’m helping out a friend who lost their licence. He’s a tradie, so I’m driving him around while he quotes jobs, sitting in my car with my laptop getting my own work done. I see it as a sort of living amends to NZTA and a perk of being able to work from anywhere.

I’m turning 33 next week, which has put me in a reflective mood. I started jotting down the lessons, values and discoveries I’ve made in my thirties, and decided to take a short break from the Inside Addiction series to share why these have been the best years of my life.

I used to pride myself on being nonchalant and detached. I loved being known as "chill" or a goodbitch basically someone who could pull her weight on a bender. I thought it was uncool to care too much about anything. Even my style reflected that: unbrushed hair, leftover eyeliner etc. But the more comfortable I become with myself, the more I learn who I really am.

I’m not a goodbitch. I’m a sensitive, sentimental bitch who loves poetry and animals. I tell my friends I love them every day. I cry at videos of dogs being reunited with their owners. I’m a romantic. I have strong opinions and grit. I’m obsessive about my work and intense to be close to. My mind runs a million miles an hour. I’m particular, especially about airflow, temperature and natural light.

I love with my whole heart.
I’m great in a crisis.
I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished.
And I’m very happy to be on the other side of great darkness and pain.

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So, here’s what I’ve learned:

★ Taking responsibility is the antithesis of shame

★ I do care what people think. I want to be accepted and liked. I also want commercial success in an industry that’s notoriously ruthless and competitive, so I’ll keep putting myself and my work out there even though it makes me cringe every time

★ My flaws are not the sum of me. They do not equal being a bad person

★ Be careful who you take advice from. In business: does this person define success the same way you do? In wellbeing: how do they move through the world, and are they qualified to be giving advice?

★ If they’re not into me, let it go and move on

★ I am easily pleased. I love walking in the hills, swimming in fresh water, going to Pilates and being in the sun

★ My worth is not defined by my achievements, output, or ability to contribute economically

★ Listen to other perspectives — political, religious, everything

★ Give the benefit of the doubt to the people I love, and also, when someone shows you who they are, believe them

★ Service to others is everything. Advocacy, volunteering, donation, or just listening to a friend go off makes me feel alive and connected to my community

★ Multiple things, feelings, beliefs, and opinions can be true at once

★ Being able to face reality is the truest marker of my wellbeing. Denial is a sneaky bitch that kept me from addressing problems and illness

★ Keep the people who are honest with me close. They’ll help

★ Being neurodivergent doesn’t mean I’m stupid. I move through the world differently to some, but very similarly to many. I’m proud of my sensitivity and creativity

★ Loving someone means loving all parts of them

★ Be emotionally responsible

★ Having friends of different ages enriches my life in essential ways

★ My chosen family are just as important, if not more, than my biological one

★ Thoughtfulness, steadiness, reliability and silliness are the sexiest qualities in a partner

★ Rejection is not a personal attack. It’s a gift

★ Taking medication for my mental health doesn’t make me weak or a failure. I’m treating an illness that will kill me if I let it go unchecked

★ I want to keep living guided by my values: love, acceptance, challenge, creativity and openness. I’m proud of what I’ve survived, and even more proud of who I’ve become.

★ Celebrate everything: compliments, awards, ageing, getting through something tough, healthy relationships, others — all of it

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