Please Stop Asking Me if I've Tried Micro-Dosing
Some thoughts on how to genuinely help someone who’s breaking down—or a resource to help you articulate your needs if you're struggling.
Hey honey-bees,
It’s me. I just wanted to share a quick post about some of the wonderful things the people I love did for me when I was sick as a dawg. And guess what? It wasn’t sharing links to celebrity self-help books or recommending a lady who does a great rebirthing ceremony. “I swear she’s legit, she’s like a shaman or something…”
No, no. There’s nothing worse than being dragged to a cacao ceremony where a middle-aged woman is harping on about manifesting your DREAM life when you’re sick, grieving, and suffering. There is NOTHING worse than opening up to someone about my addiction history and them recommending daily doses of psilocybin (WHAT??).
One of the most beautiful things a friend has done for me during a depressive episode was to arrive at my house after finishing work, stand next to my bed, lift the duvet, and get in beside me to hold me. After a while of sitting in silence, she said, "Let’s walk to the letterbox. I know you can do it."
This is just my opinion, so take it with a grain of salt because everyone has different needs... but the real help came in the form of practical, physical aid. It was being physically held, it was the Pak'n Save voucher that was anonymously left in my letterbox, it was the friend who cleaned my room, changed my sheets, and set fresh flowers on my bedside table for me to come home to after a hospital admission.
So, if someone you love is going through it, here’s my guide on what you can do to help—and, for the love of god, what NOT to do (it’s not a good time for anyone to be signing up for an ayahuasca ceremony).
If you’re in the thick of it and have people asking how they can help, maybe this list can help you articulate your needs (or you could just send it to them).
What Actually Helps: A list of ways to genuinely support someone in crisis:
Take Care of the Basics
Clean their house or pay for a cleaner.
Drop off pre-portioned meals.
Do their washing.
Take their kids to school.
Make Existing Feel Less Overwhelming
Offer lifts or accompany them to appointments.
Get into bed with them—sometimes company without conversation is the best support.
Invite them to group events with zero pressure to show up. Say something like: “[XXX] is organising this event, there is a seat at the table for you, just so you know.”
Small Comforts
Make them a playlist.
Bring small, thoughtful gifts (candles, pyjamas, a room spray).
Make a list of easy-to-watch shows/movies they’ll enjoy.
Tell them you’re thinking of them (without expecting a response).
What Doesn’t Help: A list of well-meaning but ultimately unhelpful actions:
Pseudoscience & Spiritual Overload
No unsolicited advice about microdosing psychedelics or ayahuasca.
No links to questionable self-help podcasts or books.
Changing How You Act Around Them
Treat them differently—they still have the same sense of humour
Don’t censor or omit the exciting parts of your life in fear of making them feel worse.
Forcing Solutions
Don’t push deep conversations if they’re not up for it —conversation is allowed to be light and you’re not their therapist.
Don’t suggest drastic lifestyle changes (e.g., a silent Vipassana retreat).
Don’t feel any pressure to ‘fix’ the problem. Listening and a hug might be all they need.
I want to acknowledge that everyone’s recovery looks different, and some of the things on my list may not be relevant to everyone. However, I genuinely believe that practical actions are spiritual actions. So, if you see someone you love struggling financially, why not do their shopping for them or slip some cash under their pillow? If your loved one is a parent, perhaps hire a cleaner to sort their house while they're out. These acts of service go a long way in times of crisis, and they will never be forgotten.
I’d love to hear what actually helped you, or what you wish people had done for you during your breakdown. Please comment or get in touch!
Lots of love
Char x