What My Thirties Gave Me That My Twenties Never Could

Surprising lessons about sex, friendships, self-worth, and slowing down

Shifting Gears in Your Thirties

I was never someone who planned for the future. When I was a teenager, I thought that if I made it to 25 and had accomplished enough to deem myself worthy, that would be good enough. Long enough. It was a life I could be proud of.

I’d always had this agreement with myself: I could drink and party as much as I wanted, as long as I was working, achieving academically, and under 58 kilograms. That all came to a head when I was 23. Obviously it was unsustainable — going a million miles an hour, undernourished, underweight, and sleep-deprived. But I wasn’t too bothered. I’d never considered living past 25, so I didn’t think I’d have to do the work. I just had to wait it out.

Things panned out differently, of course. I’m in my thirties now, and life is simpler, happier, and actually more fun.

I used to think that by the time you reached thirty, it was socially unacceptable to wear short shorts. That it would be inappropriate to be seen in a bikini. That your evenings would be spent watching the six o'clock news and ironing your husband’s shirts, and I wanted no part in it.

People always say time flies. “I can’t believe it’s June already!” But I’ve never experienced time like that. It’s always dragged for me. I still sometimes get overwhelmed thinking about how I’m going to fill the next (potentially) sixty years. What has soothed that anxiety, I think, is writing. Building something. Refining it. Putting it out there. Being challenged by it. Having no idea where it’s going to lead, but being excited by that.

I wanted to continue on the theme of being in my thirties, since it’s my birthday next week and there’s been so much good in this era — even among the pain. Here are some of the most surprising and beautiful things that have come with it.

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